Have you ever written a sentence and realized you were telling readers what a character felt instead of showing them?
I have!
One of the things I continue to work on as a writer is show, don't tell. It's easy to write that a character was angry, frightened, jealous, or surprised. But how do you help readers experience that emotion for themselves without simply naming it?
Sometimes, you have to get creative.
A Lesson I Learned While Writing The Inheritance
When I was writing The Inheritance, I described a character as looking incredulous. I knew that was telling rather than showing, and I wanted to do better. But that left me with a question: What does an incredulous expression actually look like?
Instead of guessing, I went to the mirror.
First, I imagined a parent discovering their child is lying to them. What would that parent's face look like? I raised one eyebrow and tighted my lips into a relaxed pucker and studied my reflection.
Then I imagined an adult lying to me. My reaction was different. My eyelids drooped in a heavy lidded way as I peered at my reflection with suspicion.
I practiced a few more faces, but you get the idea. That simple exercise helped me figure out how to describe the expression I wanted. Instead of telling readers the character looked incredulous, I could show the raised eyebrow, narrowed gaze, or other subtle changes in the character's face.
The experience reminded me that sometimes the best way to describe an emotion is to observe how we physically respond to it ourselves.
Today's Pumping Your Muse Prompt
Choose an emotion and show it without naming it.
Pick one of these emotions, or choose one of your own:
Jealousy: Your character watches someone receive something they've always wanted.
Grief: Your character encounters an everyday object that belonged to someone they lost.
Excitement: Your character is waiting for news that could change their life.
Fear: Your character hears a sound coming from somewhere it shouldn't.
Disbelief: Your character has just heard something they find almost impossible to accept.
Now write a short scene that conveys the emotion without using its name.
Avoid relying on familiar phrases such as her heart raced, he felt a wave of fear, or she was overcome with jealousy. Instead, think about what the character's face, hands, posture, voice, and movements might reveal.
Does your character avoid eye contact? Clench their jaw? Fidget with a button? Go unusually still? Perhaps they smile when they don't mean to, or speak too quickly and then fall silent.
And don't forget that emotions can be complicated. Someone who is frightened might laugh nervously. A grieving character might become irritated over something trivial. A jealous person might offer congratulations while their fingers tighten around a glass.
Your challenge is to make readers recognize the emotion without naming it for them.
A Little Extra Practice
Try acting out the expression in front of a mirror, as I did while writing The Inheritance. What happens to your eyebrows? Your mouth? Your eyes? Does your posture change?
You might be surprised by the details you discover.
Save your favorite sentences in your story starters file. The next time you find yourself telling readers how a character feels, you'll have a few more ways to show them instead.
Happy writing!
